I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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