I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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