Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
