Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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