Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
