she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
