Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
