I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
