You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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