is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
