Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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