you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
