I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
