just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
