god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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