Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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