ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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