gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
