So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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