I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
