Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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