Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
