his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
