Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
