it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
