I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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