She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
