And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
