she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
