I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
