Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
