1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
