p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
