You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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