I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
