the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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