Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
