Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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