My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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