I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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