I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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