do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
