I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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