it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
