I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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