after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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