she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Success! We fucked roommates!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
