Tell her she can't have a vagina
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
