Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
