I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
