Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
